Friday, January 13, 2023

Film: Spoiler Discussion and TIB’s Own Oscar Ballot

The Banshees of Inisherin (c) Searchlight Pictures

2022 Films: Spoiler Alert 

The following random thoughts came up during the writing of my review of certain 2022 movies which had to be edited out because it would be considered a spoiler. But now that many of these movies have now been for a while, I figured I will give you the choice to read these bon mot thoughts about the following films. 

Blonde (c) Netflix

Blonde or The Assassination of Marilyn Monroe by the Coward Andrew Dominik 
Could Ana de Armis receive an Oscar nomination just for surviving this grueling movie and an onscreen oral sex scene with a President? 

Deep Water or Fifty Shades of Affleck 
Can we get back to Ana de Armis playing characters not purely sexualized like in “Knives Out?” Or at least give her something interesting to do with it like in “No Time to Die?” 

Aftersun or How Dad Lost His Religion 
Was it just me of was there a queer vibe all over this film. Was that one of the issues that the father was dealing with and why his gay daughter is investigating so intently? 

The Son or After Dad’s Own Toxic Upbringing 
Chekhov’s Laundry Machine.

EO or The Year of the Donkey 
Along with the wee donkey in “The Banshees of Inisherin,” EO cements this as the year of the Equidae, but director Jerzy Skolimowski really made me roll my eyes when I realized he name the movie and the main character for the sound a donkey makes? 

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (c) Netflix

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery or The Walking Dead 
Come on, even a stupid person would be more shocked by a dead person walking. No confrontation at all? 

Tom Gun: Maverick or A New Hope Awakens 
Probably the most overrated film of the year, especially if it gets nominated for Best Picture as it is predicted to be. It recycles moments and images from the original, as well as borrowing heavily from “A New Hope” with that trench run and being saved at the last moment by a grinning Harrison Ford…I mean Glen Powell. 

The Banshees of Inisherin or Not My Friend Said What? 
Couldn’t Colm Doherty simply told Pádraic that he would go drinking with him one night a week instead of going cold turkey? 

The Wonder or A Portrait of a Lady in Hunger 
Does the fact there was no body after the fire indicate divine intervention and a direct path to heaven without passing go? 

Empire of Light or Oh, for a Muse of Chariots of Fire 
Could Olivia Colman be the second nominee this year shown giving oral sex on screen? Totally unrelated, but this reminds me of the film “Shame” in which the viewer knew Michael Fassbinder’s character had hit rock bottom and felt shame when he has to resort to oral sex…with a man! Horrors! 

Bullet Train (c) Sony Pictures

Bullet Train or To Magic His Mike 
Come on, Brad, it’s Channing Tatum. There’s no Shame. 

Avatar: Way of Water or The Banshees of Pandora 
I found a lot of Pixar Film parallels in the World of Pandora including the geography of the Water World (“Finding Nemo”), unsupportive parents (“Brave”), Spider (“The Lost Dinosaur”) and, of course, Sigourney Weaver (“Finding Dory”) 

Spoiler Alert or The Odd Man Out Theory 
Couldn’t we have given the only Asian character at the Thanksgiving dinner one line of dialogue? I mean, who was he? A neighbor? A co-worker? An Ex? 

Women Talking or One Man Listening 
I understand the symbolic reason why August, the one sympathetic adult male character wouldn’t go with the women at the end, but as the only person of the group who has lived and survived the outside world, wouldn’t he be more helpful as a guide than a minutes-taker?

Barbarian (c) 20th Century Studios

Barbarian or Momma Said Knock You Out 
Not one bad yelp review for this Airbnb? Really? Just for the neighborhood alone in this era of social media, not even mentioning the Ratt problem in the basement (per the Geico commercial). 

Moonshot and Moonfall or No Shade to the Dark Side 
The fact that the kids in a movie called Moonshot is actually going to Mars or the fact that the Moon in Moonfall isn’t really a moon is the biggest celestial dis since Pluto was demoted. 

Bones and All or Toe-Marrow Really? 
How do these cannibals still have teeth eating bones and all? 

The Menu or Compliments to the Chef 
Really, Anya Taylor-Joy? Not even a tip after that hamburger? 

Morbius or Vampire Who 
Come on, that Jared Leto is not the one overacting in a movie is quite an achievement, but Matt Smith is verging on the Leto scale after this and “Last Night in Soho.” 

Babylon (c) Paramount Pictures

Babylon or The Number 2 Excess of an Elephant 
Why did Manny even go to the party? I would have stayed in a hot shower for days. 

Better Nate Than Ever or The High Notes Never Bothered Me Anyway 
As I said in my review (and let me end my spoiler article with a quote from myself), when the casting director of a Broadway show says to Nate “I’ve never had a boy sing ‘Let It Go,’” then that casting director has never cast a musical before with adolescent friends of Dorothy.   

The Interested Bystander’s 2022 Oscar Ballot 

With the Oscar nominations being announced on January 24, and my final predictions will be published a couple of days before that. But now that I’ve seen “Avatar: The Way of Water” (eh), I can now fill out my Oscar ballot (as the real Oscar voters are doing right now as well).   

Everything Everywhere All at Once (c) A24

Best Picture 

“After Yang” 
“The Banshees of Inisherin” 
“Cha Cha Real Smooth” 
“Decision to Leave” 
“Everything Everywhere All at Once” 
“The Fabelmans” 
“Women Talking” 

Best Director 

Terrence Davies – “Benediction” 
Kogonada – “After Yang” 
Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert – “Everything Everywhere All at Once” 
Park Chan-wook – “Decision to Leave” 
Steven Spielberg – “The Fabelmans” 

Best Actor 

Colin Farrell – “The Banshees of Inisherin” 
Jack Lowden – “Benediction” 
Paul Mescal – “Aftersun” 
Bill Nighy – “Living” 
Jeremy Pope – “The Inspection” 

Best Actress 

Cate Blanchett – “TÁR” 
Viola Davis – “The Woman King” 
Tang Wei – “Decision to Leave” 
Michelle Williams – “The Fabelmans” 
Michelle Yeoh – “Everything Everywhere All at Once” 

Causeway (c) Apple TV+

Best Supporting Actor 

Paul Dano – “The Fabelmans” 
Brian Tyree Henry – “Causeway” 
Barry Keoghan – “The Banshees of Inisherin” 
Justin H. Min – “After Yang” 
Ke Huy Quan – “Everything Everywhere All at Once” 

Best Supporting Actress 

Kerry Condon – “The Banshees of Inisherin” 
Stephanie Hsu – “Everything Everywhere All at Once” 
Judith Ivey – “Women Talking 
Samantha Morton – “She Said” 
Gabrielle Union – “The Inspection” 

Best Original Screenplay 

“The Banshees of Inisherin” 
“Decision to Leave” 
“Everything Everywhere All at Once” 
“The Fabelmans” 

Catherine Called Birdy (c) Prime Studios

Best Adapted Screenplay 

“After Yang” 
“Catherine Called Birdy” 
“She Said” 
“Women Talking”

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